I Have A Friend, Ian.

I have a friend, Ian, and he got a big ECD position and he asked me if I had any advice for him and I said I only have one piece of advice and that is in your first week they're going to set up a photo shoot to get pr pics and when the photographer asks you to jump up in the air like you're crazy, whatever you do, do not jump up in the air.

Tales of Barton F. Graf Pt.2

I came home one day and Barton F. Graf was laughing his ass off while reading the Lexington Minuteman, the local paper. I looked at the headline that was cracking him up and it read: Local woman run down in Lexington center.

Ok. I asked Barton F. Graf what was so funny. He said, "You know how the town passed this new law and put those crosswalks in the center of town where all cars have to stop if a pedestrian is in the crosswalk, like the Walk/Don't Walk signs aren't good enough, now people can just traipse across the street whenever they feel like it and we all have to stop?"

Yeah.

"Well, this lady was crossing." He started to laugh again. "And she got mowed over." More laughing. "And you know who that lady was? It was the town councelwoman who passd the law!" Barton F. Graf is howling now. "And you know, you know, she was standing in that crosswalk, looking at that oncoming car, and she was thinking to herself, that car has to stop because I passed the Crosswalk Law. But you know what? She was wrong."

And he laughed and laughed and laughed until my mother told him to pipe down.

Risky? Check. Decadent? Double check.

Cupcake Wars! The cooking show on Bravo or A&E or maybe Lifetime completely enthralls you in a quest to make a cupcake. Sometimes it’s an Amazing Fudge Chocolate cupcake with mascarpone frosting and a quartered strawberry on top. Sometimes there’s a ganache or fromage blanc frosting. I love how the saucy cupcake chef Sandy Maaz says “ganache” as she lazes on a couch.

There’s a lot of drama in these trained cupcake chef’s quest to make one cupcake.

-Get that in the fridge, now! Less than 45 minutes! Someone yells.

-I should have ground the coffee beans! It almost broke my tooth when I bit into it! Sandy Maaz saucily says.

-1 minute left, we need the jam, we need the jam, where is the jam? (They found the jam.)

But it’s not as simple as making one cupcake, the judges throw you a curveball. This time they had to make one cupcake inspired by a Deck of Cards. So Sandy Maaz starts thinking…well, Las Vegas is risky and decadent right? (I guess, kind of) So she’ll make a Catan, which blends well with Brie. Risky? Check. Decadent? Double check.

Sandy Duke, a card player from the World Series of Poker is a judge, obviously. She says, “I like to hold my cards close to the vest…BUT…not when I’m cooking.” ZING. Sandy was trying to say she wanted to taste the cherries more, they were too close to the vest.

After the judging, host Justin Willman says some of the cupcake chefs “Bet Big” but some got a “Bum Deal” and I realize that could apply to both the cupcake challenge and the Vegas/Deck of card thing going on.

The next challenge is a doozie. The cupcake chefs have to make not one cupcake, but three! Sandy Maaz, professionally trained cupcake chef, says, “We’re going all in with all our chips.” (Sticking with the card theme I’m guessing.) “We’re doing three of a kind! Three different coconut ganache cupcakes!” (She loves saying ganache.)

And then the drama kicks in again. Sandy Maaz’s assistant yells, “These cupcakes need to cool! On a rack! For ten minutes! They gave us 45 minutes so that leaves us…that only leaves us…we have…35 minutes to bake!"  And he was right!