You Look Good In Those Lady Clothes

How many times do you think Rupal Parekh from Ad Age has been called RuPaul? I asked her, 12,345 times. She started keeping track in her high school diary. It's not an exact count because when it started people would yell "Hey RuPaul, you look good in those lady clothes!" and Rupal would smile and compliment herself on her nice sense of style. Then her friends explained that they weren't saying "Rupal" they were calling her the name of the cross dressing male celebity. This bumbed her out a bit because she could have been wearing any kind of lady clothes, even if they were really ugly, and the kids would have said the same thing. 

The bulk of the “jokes” came in the late nineties when RuPaul was at the height of his fame. It’s tapered off a bit since, but every once in a while, usually at one of the Ad Age conferences she runs, some associate creative director thinking he’s funny (it’s always a guy too, women acd’s don’t go for this old, obvious joke for some reason), he’ll  say, “Hey RuPaul, you look good in those lady clothes.” Actually, Rupal does look good in lady clothes. It's when she goes with the Carhart painter pants and the NY Jets jersey that I have problems with. But thankfully she doesn’t do that very much.

That's Right, We Won Dish Network!

That's Barney, Eric, and little me with Joe the CEO and our buddy Ira.


http://www.adweek.com/news/advertising-branding/dish-network-selects-barton-f-graf-9000-133707

Don’t Ask The Shirtless Guys At The Front Door About Their Ab Workout.

It is hard to explain the incredibly uncomfortable feeling a 45 year old man gets when he walks into Abercrombie and Fitch to buy a t-shirt. The looks you get are mean, nasty, and reek of Ageism! You feel like a creep when all you want is a 100% cotton t-shirt that doesn’t shrink.

If you do find yourself in this situation here are some tips. Just go in, and go right to the t-shirt department. If you’re going to the one on Broadway and Houston, the t-shirts are on the second floor to the right. Trust me on this, I’ve been there hundreds of times. Don’t stop and hang out in the women’s section where they sell the sweatpants with the A&F on the ass, just walk through a few times like you’re looking for the cashier. Wear sunglasses. Yes you’ll look even creepier, but they hide the crow’s feet around your eyes and no one will see what you’re staring at. Finally, don’t ask the shirtless guys at the front door about their ab workout. Yes, this is a perfectly reasonable question, but it can be taken the wrong way.

A Case Of Logrolling.

I've been asked to review a new marketing book. But I have a bit of a dilemma. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to reveal that I am Facebook friends with the author. I've never met him or talked to him on the phone, but I sent a friend request and he responded in the affirmative. I think he is Australian, but that is just based on his name, haircut, and preference for tight black t-shirts. I could look up his info on Facebook or his blog, but I haven’t yet. I guess that is a way to rate social media friends, have you read their info? We don't hang out at the Norwood club and trade Marshall McLuhan references, but I have trolled through his photos a few times. He hangs out with very attractive men and women. One of his friends, Jane, looks like someone I would like to meet or follow. Whatever it would take to gain access to her photos. She's one of those snooty "Jane only shares her photos with friends" types. I'm still waiting on her response to my friendship request. In any case, this review may or may not be a case of logrolling.

அனைவருக்கும் வந்தனம், நான் நிர்வாணமாக நடனம் இருக்க போகிறேன்.

Our bookkeeper was here today and after all the checks were signed and all the bills were paid I asked her if we still had money in the bank and she said yes. So I'm going to Sri Lanka. அனைவருக்கும் வந்தனம், நான் நிர்வாணமாக நடனம் இருக்க போகிறேன்.

My Father Owned 3 Oil Fields

I feel part of the problem I've been having with the welcoming committee in Dumbo stems from the fact that I'm from Kansas. They have made all of these judgments about me based on that. I know what they're thinking, I worked on a farm or I raised corn or something. Well I'd just like those people to know that yes, I did grow up in Kansas, but my father owned like 3 oil fields there. We were very well off and went to all the best schools.

An Audience With The "Mayor Of Dumbo".

A big shout out to our fans in Nigeria. One of them asked what Dumbo was. It's a part of New York City where everyone wants to work. Glad you are reading us.

Well, we sent a tribute over to Dumbo, a couple Comic-Con tickets, and we got an audience with the "Mayor of Dumbo". All we had to do was pay our respects and we would be free to look for real estate. Eric said there was no way he was ever going back there, so I went over with my art director Joey. Not a smart move. Right before we left I got an IM from my friend Ben Kay. He's got a nice blog at ben-kay.com. He had heard about my last adventure over the bridge and got me all riled up. He wrote a book called Instinct. And he was yelling at me, "What's your Instinct tell you to do!" I didn't know. So he told me not to take any shit from anyone. I relayed this to Joey, and that was a mistake.

Joey and I get over to Dumbo and finally get in to see Michael Lebowitz. I was being very gracious but I guess Joey was thinking about what Ben said and Michael didn't like the way he was being talked to and to prove who was boss he kicked the living crap out of Joey. Joey's doing alright, but now I have to buy more Comic-Con tickets and a dvd of Zardoz before anyone over their will even talk to me. I guess we'll have to start looking for office space elsewhere.

Taken Down In DUMBO

We're looking for a new space and because Adweek said everyone should move to DUMBO, we sent Eric out to DUMBO because everyone should listen to what Adweek tells you to do. Well, Eric came back a little unsure about DUMBO as you can see. Apparently you don't just decide to move to DUMBO, call a broker, and move in. It seems you need to get "permission". There is a bit of a syndicate out there as we found out. Eric was walking on Jay St. when two guys he described as "kind of nerdy" pulled him into an alley and explained how it worked on their turf. He didn't get a good description, but he did say one of them was handing out "free wi-fi is a right" pamphlets and the other one wore a t-shirt with a "large rocket" on it. That's all I'm saying. He also said they had "space guns" but I think that's the punch to the face talking.

The Intern's Intern

I'd like to announce a promotion at Barton F. Graf 9000 today. I'm very proud to announce that Matt Rogers has been promoted to Intern. His previous position was Intern's Intern. He interned beautifully for the interns and now doesn't have to take their crap anymore. Good job Matt. You can now go home at 10:00pm instead of the requisite Intern's Intern punch out time of 12:30am. Keep it up and someday you may reach the position of Paid Intern.

Gems, Jets, Silhouettes

I don't know if anyone is aware of this, but in Germany "Graf" means "Count" or "Earl". I like to go with "Count". Now that we're all up to speed, I'd like to share some thoughts:


Ladies and gentlemen,

this is the Count speaking
We have arrived

Gems, jets, silhouettes, champagne in the sky,
fine premieres and fireworks every single night,

Gold, diamonds, caviar
Life is but a dream when every day
you're living in is featured on TV.

Hair done, jewelry on
Mirror on the wall
Who's the fairest in the land
I guess it's not his call
Beauty class and elegance
lies within the soul.
Money, power and romance
are waiting for us all.

Chic c'est la vie, c'est bon, c'est bon

Thank you.

Spring Rolls And A Few Tsingtaos

Sorry we missed yesterday’s post. We were all at the going away party for Prescott Anderson, our former social arbitrager. The event was at the Pho Viet Huong restaurant across the street and pretty much consisted of some spring rolls and a few Tsingtaos.  

Prescott’s leaving to start his own agency. A lot of people believe that is just a cover story. Rumors are that Prescott got fired and he’s just saying he’s opening an agency to save face. Well, I know the truth, and actually Prescott kind of stormed right in and said he wanted nothing to do with us any more. He was a bit of a dick about it, but he’s given us all hours of fun so we forgive him. Everyone but Vladimir. Vladimir wanted to kick his ass but we gave him more beer and Vlad shut up. 

Blinding That Newman Guy

When lucid dreaming you realize you are dreaming and take control of the dream. But you can't do it with any kind of dream. You need a mission type dream like space travel or a bank robbery otherwise you’ll lose focus and lose control of the dream and sometimes you slip into a nightmare.
So you have to think about your mission throughout the day in order to help yourself remember it when you are dreaming. I have been trying to turn into the spitting dinosaur from Jurassic Park that blinds that Newman guy. I just can’t seem to get it. I’m considering eating less sour cream. And finding more places where I can spit.

Sad Pandas

Can someone send me proof that there is such a thing as the World Wildlife Fund or WWF? I'm almost positive that the WWF is a shell corporation created by the ad community so we can do huge posters and double page spreads and win metal in the PSA categories. I have never seen an ad for the WWF out in the real world. You'd think there would be a 2 minute infomercial with a Sarah McLachlan song and pictures of sad pandas or something, but there is not. All I've ever seen are visual puns at the Andy's, Cannes, and One Show. I went to WWF.com and it is not a site that helps endangered animals, it is a place holder for something called the Wrestler Tour. Now that is a client! Wrestlers on tour. Let's see more ads for those guys.